Do You Have It Together?

I don't. I have been trying to get it together for a long time, but I don't think I ever will. I don't know how people manage to have children they have to care for, plus jobs and other full schedules, on top of running their own lives. I can barely manage my own simple tasks.

I am a perfectionist. In my head. I have been somehow trying to translate it to reality for years, but it doesn't work. I plan to be thin- it doesn't happen. I make budgets- and never look at them again. I spend hours working on planning my schedule- and then I decide the next day that I don't want to do what I planned and chuck the whole thing to do whatever happens to be in my head at the time.

Part of the problem with this lately is that I am not getting my writing done. I have so many ideas and things I want to be working on, but I don't have the time, and when I do, I end up either wasting it or spending it "organizing."

I mean, how many things can I possibly do in one day? I have to work most days. Then there are personal things which I desperately need to do every day, such as spending time with God, exercising, returning messages, prepping for work the next day, and numerous little things that add up to time- lots of time every day. When does it leave time to write and practice guitar, which I have become more serious about lately? It makes for a frustrating life as an artist when you don't get to do your art.

And what about a social life? I want one. I really do. I would love to get married again one day- as long as it's the right one. But right now I feel guilty when I spend time with people in a social situation because it's taking away from my "artistic" time. Seriously, I just don't understand how people live the lives they do.

Maybe someday things will change, and I try to stay positive most of the time. I thank God for the job I have and where I get to live and the apartment I have. I just needed to vent. Thanks for letting me!