If you've followed my blogging for awhile, you'll know I'm disturbingly moody about my writing goals. I'm close to quitting and convinced that's what God wants. Then I declare he's let me know he wants me to keep going and I will persevere no matter what. Then I crash again and start asking God if this is what he really wants.
I don't like this about myself, but the other night I was reading a chapter of Jeremiah (ch. 20) and the great prophet himself seemed to be doing the same thing.
In the One Year Chronological Bible (NLT), the section is titled "Jeremiah's Complaint." He says, "O Lord, you persuaded me, and I allowed myself to be persuaded...So these messages from the Lord have made me a household joke. And I can't stop!"
I can't say I'm a prophet carrying divine messages, but I can feel his pain. I know what it feels like when I'm in the depths of self-doubt and feel that my writing is all a joke, and I wonder why God seems to assure me I should continue.
Next paragraph, Jeremiah seems to be full of trust. "But the Lord stands beside me like a great warrior. Before him they will stumble. ..Praise the Lord! For though I was poor and needy, he delivered me from my oppressors."
So now he's got it all settled. He won't waver again like I do, right?
The very next verse starts, "I curse the day I was born! May the day of my birth not be blessed...My entire life has been filled with trouble, sorrow, and shame."
Somehow it helps me to know that faith isn't a struggle just for me.
Onward!
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sounds exactly where iv been with school lately. I dont know what is right and neither option sounds good......stay? or go? no one knows! it is so easy to get discouraged
ReplyDeleteHang in there, girl. I'm praying for you! I just sent out my WB Writing Program application with the Office script. We'll see what happens with that! Maybe I'll do a blog about it. I get so tired of working basically two full time jobs- doing my art and my paying job. It's wearying, but I don't want to be ungrateful either! I'm thankful to have a job!
ReplyDeleteAnd Brittany- stay in school!
Well, correction- sending it out tomorrow- just got it packed up in the envelope. Took me about five hours to finish getting it ready tonight.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate, Robin! I was just thinking yesterday that my writing life is like a yo-yo. She's up! No, she's down! Up again! Down again! If it wasn't so sad and frustrating, it'd be funny!
ReplyDeleteI agree, Robin. Knowing others have gone through similar struggles before us--and made it!--encourages me to keep going.
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